what keeps us up

when you consider the promise that you are not promised tomorrow. it makes you reevaluate your life and your relationships in such dramatic ways. i know this is a tired truism - but more than ever it's the thought of it keeps me up at night.

[wishing certain things had been or had not been. considering tomorrows course of action and wondering if the "right thing" that may be steered by social norms is actually the wrong, lazy, complacent thing... for example.]

i'm finding new ways, deeper ways to surrender the future, while attempting to understand what today is supposed to hold... but this issue gets compounded when you have clarity of vision for the future and the inability to directly live in response.

anne lamott always says there are just 2 simple prayers that ought to be prayed. "thank you and help me..."

- help us understand what it is to live more and more outside of fear / more and more outside of the worry of tomorrow / trust that the things that need to be resolved today will be put on our hearts - and that if death comes to your door tonight... thank you that what is unresolved will be put to rights.

this should not make us lazy - or reactive - as if "everything happens for a reason." it most certainly does not. but rather people who search, strive and live for truth - and can rest in a God who working through us.